An ode to my student card which this week I thought was tragically lost.
- Confusion– At this stage you have not realised you have lost something. You know the object (O for short) is not in its usual place but obviously you’ve just put it in another bag/ room/ shelf etc. Nothing to worry about, let’s just look in that bag you used yesterday. Oh. Not there. Well that’s fine. It is at this point the feeling starts creeping up on you. You haven’t realised it fully yet but there’s an inkling that you may have misplaced O more permanently than intended. You check your other bag which you haven’t used recently but maybe? Nope. A glance around shows it is not somewhere obvious. Now you are ready to move onto step 2.
- Panic– This can occur at different times depending on how time sensitive the object you need is. You need the thing. Where the hell is it?! Things are thrown across the room in an attempt to look through the entirety of all your possessions in under 5 seconds. Jean pockets are rifled, coats are brought out from the back of the wardrobe (sure you haven’t worn it since last Spring but panic hath no logic), drawers are lifted out of their stands. In the ensuing chaos you start to worry that you have buried O underneath the mess and so you repeat the above process again several times. This has the added benefit of ensuring the next time you lose something it will definitely be because you moved it in an attempt to find the other thing you lost. It’s like a wonderful little life cycle and by wonderful I mean horrendous.
- Bargaining– Some people like to incorporate this into Step 2. You are pretty sure you have looked at/in/under/above every object in your home. You have been back to the shops, you’ve searched on the pavement, you’ve asked every person you have ever known if they have seen it and nada. Nothing. So you begin searching again but this time, in your head you start whispering ‘If I find this I will X’. In the moment you have every intention of doing X. Looking after your things more, tidying every day, getting rid of useless things you have found while searching so this process is a lot easier next time. You will not do and secretly had no intention of doing X to begin with.
- Anger– This is the point when you have stormed angrily out of your house because you are going to be late and there is nothing to do but hope you didn’t need O anyway. You start thinking about the bureaucratic nightmare replacing O will be. You think of all the things you were going to do today which is now impossible because O is not there. Anger bubbles. You’re angry at yourself, the replacement office, your belongings, and the wider universe. Most of all you’re angry at O. Stupid O. Why does anyone need it anyway? You start spinning images in your mind about how much easier life would be without O. A new social order is played out simply so that O would no longer be necessary for daily function. Everyone is happier in your imagination, you know they would be. People cross the street as they recognise the dictatorial glint in your eyes.
- Acceptance– After you realise the actual effort required to become a military-wielding, charismatic autocrat, you start to calm down. Up until this point you were still holding out hope it would appear before you in a moment of divine providence. As this has not happened you slowly accept that you should think about replacing O. Its annoying and will take forever and could be expensive and all the other annoyances but at the end of the day, there’s nothing else for it. Unless…
- Chamuel– This was my friends solution. She is not religious, nor is any of her family, and they don’t believe in horoscopes etc. Apart from there is this one thing… The angel Chamuel is the angel of lost things. If you ask Chamuel to find a thing for you, their supposed to guide you to it. Apparently Chamuel likes my friend’s family a lot as they have been very helpful in the past at finding tops and toys thought long ago lost.
Case and point: I lost my student card. I went through the steps. My friend held her hand out for my bag. She takes out a book, shakes it and-
There falls out my student card.
I’m guessing as payment Chamuel takes all the odd socks you have lost in the wash. So if you have run out of options, why not try it? I’m not guaranteeing its going to work but if you’re at the point where you’re willing to try it, you don’t have anything to lose.
Wisdom for Today:
All praise Chamuel, the sock-stealing card-returning angel we all need in our lives.